The Secretary's Secret (09/19/15)
So I was surfing the Internet last Wednesday in the café down the street as usual, when all of a sudden this couple next to me began discussing animals very loudly. Now, typically I stay to myself, my venti frappuccino, and my $60 silk scarf on brisk Wednesday afternoons. Yet, for whatever reason (perhaps it was their volume, or maybe my frap wasn't hot enough, or my scarf wasn't properly puffed), I decided to dip my toes into the Devil's warm pool of temptations and eavesdrop on their conversation. At the point that I entered, they were talking about birds. More specifically, they were speaking of the avians devoid of aerial mobility, or "flightless birds". They spoke of kiwis, emu, penguins, and ostriches. Seeing as I am a supreme gentleman, I opted not to interupt these misguided women and inform them that kiwis are actually a type of juicy fruit. Before I could mentally correct them on other inconsistencies, I overheard them mention an animal that I had never heard of before.
The animal was a "secretary bird". I immediately thought that I had just heard them wrong, and even considered that they were purposely talking about imaginary birds as a prank on me. However, after concluding that I would not be fooled by these strangers, I decided to fact-check them. To my surprise, after a quick Google search on Google.com, I found out that this creature does apparently exist! How peculiar! I mean look at this thing!
As I sat there listening as these bewildered babes exchanging the few facts that they knew, and as I perused further and further down the Google.com page, I became more and more interested in this tall bird. Apparently, they actually can fly, but tend to choose to walk. The nerve of these girls, spreading incorrect information to me! Also, they use their strong legs to pound their prey to death, like skinny, long, feet-hands. I wish that I had a secretary bird here to pound some sense into these belligerent ladies. But I continued to ponder, as I sipped on my cold 'ccino, why they would be called "secretary". Do they maybe squawk like a ringing phone? Do their quick feet resemble the clicking sounds of typing? Do they sleep with the boss? Well apparently they are called secretary birds due to the strange black feathers that come out of their heads, which kind of resemble a pen behind an imaginary bird ear. Incredible!!!